My Quincenera!!

August was a good month for me.....I had a fuckin raging birthday party!! I always had this deep fear of having parties. I always feel like if i have a party no one will show up....but that was not the case. I felt so loved, got some amazing gifts....including a bike....and just had a great fucking time. I was actually proud of myself for keeping it together until the very end of the night....thats when things got messy. I fuckin past out on a chair outside.....and 4 friends proceeded to molest me with a hotdog for an hour. I have about 100 pictures of them fucking with me...when i woke up i found the most random shit in this house. I found a bullet (cocaine is gross), $180 in cash, and a list from a game we were playing which was like truth or dare....it included such things as "make out, take off your pants, paula shows her tits".....here's to being 28! oops i mean 15!

Forgive me my lord for i have sinned.....

It has been 4 months since my last entry. When i started this blog i planned on updating it as much as possible. Yet somewhere along the line i started slacking. I guess i have been out there living my life instead of writing about it. I will try and update as much as possible.....I know the 3 people that actually read this will be pleased....

While i was out, I had a birthday, I went back to NYC and had another time yet again!! and i have met some really amazing people....some people i knew had to get the boot too....thats just how it goes, right?

Fondue Fun

Holding down the title and legacy of having the party house we decided to have a little shindig for our lovely friend Beth. It was her 28th birthday last night and we celebrated with tons of champagne, fondue and "Sangria", which was more like jungle juice. I myself seem to be inching toward that 28 year mark. In a few weeks i will be celebrating mine.

Summer nights in Los Angeles are amazing! The temprature is just right, candles on our porch, friends, drinks, smokes, and laughs. I love my LA life.

A stalkers favorite tool

So if you dont already know...google maps has gone stalker friendly! I was checking something out on googles maps the other day when i noticed this new view called "street view". I already knew i can view my house though a satellite picture...which i must admit is kinda cool. Now to top things off they apparently have these cars with cameras attached to them taking pictures of every single house. It's actually kinda creepy to know that someone can just type in an address and not only get directions to your house but also see exactly what it looks like including cars parked in the driveway. Insane! Is anyone else creeped out by this?

Home is where the heart is....

Coming off the high from New York City was a little depressing...i felt so drained mentally as well as physically. A week after coming back, I had an amazing Memorial Day adventure. A group of hardcore Angelino's took a double decker bus tour through some of Los Angeles' best kept secrets. It was an amazing way to spend memorial day! Bus tour, Jack Daniels at 10am, and dodging trees....Sounds like a good way to enjoy friends......Can't forget rockband night after the days festivities....

I Heart New York

I just returned last week from a trip to New York City, and i have to say that i really really love that place. It's in my ultimate plan to move there soon, and I needed that trip to really make me remember all the things i love about that city. I am lucky enough to have a great group of friends in NYC, which seems to be getting bigger by the minute. Over the last few years, more and more people seem to be making the move from LA to NYC. I have realized that Los Angeles will always be my home....but i need something more. I feel like my life has become sooo monotanous here. I need some sort of change. On my trip, i had so much fun getting lost in the city, and discovering new places, as well as revisiting old places I've already been to. I got to hang with my 2 favorite gays, which was probably one of the most important things to me on this trip. It is interesting to see the new life my bestfriend has built for himself. I am happy for him, it is a far cry from sharing a one bedroom apartment in Tranny Town and using coffee filters to wipe our ass. Above all else, this trip reminded me to appreciate all the people in my life. Whether under the same roof as me, or clear across the country....i truly value my friendships.....and if the old saying is true "You are who your friends are", then i guess I'm a pretty awesome person after all....

Karma

Last night i went out and ran into this guy that i used to know. When i was younger i used to think the world revolved around house music, and dancing. Horrible, i know! So anyways.....this guy used to have a crush on me when we were in that era. I never really paid attention to him, or even gave him a chance.....i dont even know what i was looking for back then. So why is it when i saw him, hes like SOOOO fuckin hot now!! Of course thats totally my luck, right? I would totally fuck him in a second, but cut to 6 years ago and he was totally not do-able. This whole little game of Karma just makes it more apparent that i will NEVER, EVER find love.......if its not my present situation fucking shit up for me...then its my past.....and lately my past is being a bitch. So to all those many people i have been a bitch to...im sorry, get over it, and stop being hot!

Hot or Not???

So all over Los Angeles I have seen these posters, commercials, billboards, and now.....drink coasters about meth abuse. I don't know if this is a Nation wide ad campaign or specific to Los Angeles? I mean, i used to have a meth problem myself...but that was soooo high school....and in my defense i grew up in the San Gabriel Valley....so who DIDN'T do it over there!?! Luckily....i got over that phase before i turned 18 and turned to Ecstasy, Acid, Liquid G, Special K and Wippets...I was a fucking raver...so thats my excuse. Now im happy to be drug free....well, you would think i would be happy to be drug free wouldn't you? So what makes me second guess my sobriety? The fact that all these dudes on meth ads are kinda hot! Skinny little pale boys that look kinda dirty? Ummm...my dream guy!!! These ads are doing more damage than good! In fact....I can walk down the street in my neighborhood and see a million dudes that look skinny, pale, and a little dirty...... They really need to stop glamorizing meth. Now all i think about is "how can i look like the cute boys in the meth ads". I went to join the YMCA today and when i was getting a tour of the facility i wanted to ask the trainer "what excercises would you recommend to give me that... I lost myself to meth look". Meth is giving me a boner....

Best gift ever in life!!

So, I have always dreamed of being a blonde...because....i really want to see if they have more fun. Yesterday i decided to go for it. After getting my hair done i felt that something was missing....i needed something to accessorize my new hair. Then today in the mail i got a gift....... I think it was the best thing i have ever received. Alana and Nate sent me CROCS!! CROCS!!!! For a second i thought i might have ordered them in a drunken state....but there is no way in hell i could ever be that drunk. I think i would have died of alcohol poisoning before being drunk enough to buy those for myself. Alana is totally trying to bring me into the Croc wearing club. That club is like one step below Scientology on the crazy meter! Stay tuned for pictures of me with my new gift in awkward situations. If Tyra Banks can wear a fat suit to see how fat people live, then i can wear Crocs as a little experiment to see what really goes on in the Croc wearin club.....I will either have a boyfriend in like 2 days or my feet will be covered in puke.

I learn something new everyday

Tonight I learned that Ugly people dance soooo much harder and with a I don't give a fuck attitude so much more than pretty people....and big girls always wear something shiny!

Facebook is depressing me...

So i jumped on the Facebook bandwagon about a year ago....and i still dont get it. It's rich kids Myspace. Way too complicated....i signed up for all these little programs that people send me that are supposed to be fun. Somehow i signed up for one that lets people rank "how cute you are", or "who would date you".......i actually went on out of curiosity to see the people who would date me....and like 3 people out of god knows how many that looked at my profile said they would date me. So, i figure...3 people ain't that bad right? They must be some quality folks. Come to find out 2 of them were girls that i know...and one of them was a girl that didnt get the memo that i like dick not vag! Depressing....i came home and made myself 2 vodka tonics to chill out....i think i will have a few more....anyone know of a tall building i can jump off of and just end it all?

I sure didn't sign up for this.....

So there are many things in this world that annoy me. Tons! One of my biggest pet peeves is when people go to the bathroom and they don't check the toilet to make sure everything went down as it should. At my school we have 2 bathrooms that always smell like death. Like seriously....i blame the spanish speaking students...i always see them eating chili and all this crazy ethnic shit....i can just imagine what their insides look like....gross! So anyways, today i really needed to go to the bathroom so i sneak away from class and i go inside one of the private bathrooms after one of the spanish students (again, evidence that one of them is the culprit). So i lock myself in the bathroom and get ready to pull my pants down to pee...and i see that the toilet is like totally clogged and is filled to the top with pee and toilet paper still spinning around. I think to myself "fuck no am i dealing with this!". So i leave that bathroom....and thank god no one sees me coming out if it, because then of course the next person that goes in there is gonna think it was me. I go into the other bathroom, and lock the door, start unzipping my pants....then i see a massive shit still in the toilet from whoever was before me. Ugh, i felt like i was on a game show and like had to choose door number 1, 2, or 3.....and i chose the shitty door...LITERALLY! Now all of a sudden I'm responsible for this shit thats not even mine! I try to flush...and the water starts to rise in the toilet and the massive brown turd gets closer.....of course it wouldn't just go down on the first try right? for anyone else it would, but for me?? not so much. I am sure there is a special place is hell reserved for me. So i now have to grab the plunger and start to plunge away at the toilet, as i did this i couldn't help but feel like those girls at the Hot Dog on a Stick stands...pumping away at Lemonade. I always thought those girls must have been humiliated in those ridiculous outfits. Finally it gives way, and it goes down. By this time I'm like doing the pee-pee dance soo hard. I piss, wash my hands, and exit the bathroom...feeling a bit like the hero of the day, Then when i open the door....a line of studens needing to use the bathroom had formed....as i exit and the next person goes in he yells "damn, you stunk this place up good"........a deed gone unrewarded.....

Sexless and the City

I am sitting at home watching the tv show "men in trees", i have officially sunk to a new low. I have been frustrated lately because i realize i live a completely unhealthy gay lifestyle.

I don't really have any gay friends. I don't go to any gay clubs due to the fact that i have no gay friends. I have social anxiety and don't even know HOW to meet people. Sometimes i feel like I'm waiting around for a guy that will never come, but then again i think most single people gay or straight have these feelings at one time or another. Pickings seem sooo fuckin' slim in Los Angeles. Maybe its karma biting me in the ass?

Lord knows I've fucked with some minds in my younger days. All i know is that this is not good....I am wasting my gay youth...and we all know thats prime time! I feel like I'm wasting valuable fucking time, and when i say fucking time i literally mean FUCKING time....like i can be out getting laid right now....but I'm watching a show about people that live in Alaska!! How exciting can that be?!? I don't want to wake up one day when Im 40 years old (not that 40 is particularly old at all) but i don't want it to take me that long to realize i have to make an initiative to get out there and just go for it.

I have always been a go getter with everything else in my life. When i wanted to move to San Francisco, i packed up my car, with 300 dollars in my pocket i quit my job and said "fuck it!" and left. I lived there a year, and it was amazing. It was basically closing my eyes and jumping, just going for it. Why is it hard to do that now? Why is it hard to do with relationships? or Meeting boys? I'm a social retard.

Like 98% of my friends are straight, and the other 2% don't live in Los Angeles. I'm basically fucked, and not in the way i want to be. I am destined to be the Gay best friend for life. I hate all those romantic comedy movies that try and seem soo progressive by putting a gay best friend to counter the lead actress in her quest for love that was right in front of her face the whole time. All they ever end up doing is adding comic relief by being stereotypically gay, or by meddling in the love life of the lead actress. Thats what I am doomed to be. Comic relief. A fucking clown. I might as well be one of those Somalian girls with her clit cut off and her vag sewn up. Always a brides maid never a bride.

I know its fucked up to admit, but whenever i see couples together and they are like trolls or just busted...i always think to myself "Now if THEY can find someone, then why can't i!".......

Yummy...

Nothing like a little Milkshake to take the taste of Crocs out of your mouth

Fat Milkshake

Offensive to the eyes!

I was at my favorite taco stand waiting for my order today.....and this really hot guy was ordering food after me....as i waited for my food i stood there admiring his perfect face. As my eyes wandered i noticed his square jaw, his body which was amazing....and a million fantasies ran though my head...i actually think he caught me looking at him a time or two. My eyes traveled down inch by inch making me fall in love with him every step of the way....then i got to his feet. His fuckin' feet were a different story all together!! My eyes were made love to by his face...then brutally raped by Croc wearing feet!! I knew right then and there that he wasn't gay. No self respecting gay man would dare put those things on his feet. The only exceptions are the gay men that didn't get the memo about fauxhawks being out years ago....and those old gay men that i stare at and say to myself "please don't ever let me be THAT". I'm sorry, but what is this world coming to? Why do people insist on wearing Crocs!! Is it purely a comfort thing? or do people actually find them aesthetically pleasing??? Personally...I'd rather walk on broken glass than wear Crocs.....and those of you that know me....KNOW its true!! The day i wear Crocs is the day I'm lying in bed of a fuckin Coma and someone like my parents have put them on me. Of course they would! My mom buys me sweaters from J.C Penny or like some fuckin shit from Mervyn's.....then i always give her that look like..."do you even know me at all?", but really though..if your cankles cant hold up your body then its time to shove your finger down your throat or starve yourself....NOT wear Crocs to be more comfortable. Now that I've vented i feel much better...

Has it really come to this???

So in my boredom i stumbled upon a great website www.gayprisoners.net

Any of the people that know me out there already have heard my weird fantasies about having a cholo boyfriend. Maybe its because i grew up in San Gabriel Valley....or around a bunch of Cholas....but for some reason I have always had a thing for bad boys.

After looking through this website for about 2 hours....i started to feel like one of those crazy ladies that writes to prisoners, and then marries someone like Richard Ramirez....the night stalker (who i think is hot in a weird way)....maybe its not knowing if he would kiss you or bite your nose off....call me crazy..

Well anyways.....so reading these prisoners profiles...you think they sounds so nice and sweet.... because they are pretty much looking for the same thing we all are.."someone to spend my life with", "someone that likes nice dinners, and hanging out"...then you take a look at what they did and there are things like "Sexual Battery", "Attempted Murder", or "Rape".......ofcourse my favorite is a man that says.."i like to write. Sometimes i can be shy, and it can be hard for me to meet people"...then you read his crimes...and they list "Two counts attempted murder, 2 counts 1st degree burglary, theft by unlawful taking over $300.00, criminal mischief"...If thats fuckin shy...then i would hate to see him when he's outgoing!!

I swear, with some of the fucked up shit I've done to some guys....i would like be dead in a day if i dated any of these dudes.....But its fun to pretend....

Some people want the charming prince to ride in on a white horse and be swept away...I prefer to be kidnapped and held at gunpoint...you say tomato i say tomahto


here is an example of the kind of studs you can find on this site

Best of Both worlds...

what do you get when you cross a Chola and a Tranny?!? No, not me!

this lovely piece of video footage....

Angry Rant!!!

Slumlords......fuckin' Slumlords.....

I live in a great fuckin house in Silverlake.....prime location, amazingly furnished and decorated....We always throw great parties....and what you ask, what...is the downfall of all this greatness that i live.....well it comes in the form of 2 old ass Filipino Landlords who just wont fuckin die!! The mutherfuckers are older than dirt....probably older than the entire Country of the Philippines.......Lets examine the evidence... Construction all hours of the day to make more money....most of it which they wont even live to see, coming home to holes being punched into my ceiling and finding wood and shingle and debrit all over my bed, the Landlords coming into our house whenever they feel like it because they think it is THEIR house....and they are only letting us live in it, Nails being hammered into our walls sticking out of the hallway because of the construction.....and now rain leaking through my ceiling......

P. fuckin' S.....dont judge me for having an Animal printed blanket....ITS WARM....and my sheets are more expensive than yours, so fuck off!

P.S.S. If you want to live in a place that is "cool" to live.....or you hear is "all the rage".....make sure your landlords are either on a donor list, or have some fuckin terminal disease.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Lord bless Tyra, and Maury, and all the Cholas in the world...

Movin' on up....

Well, after racking my brain for about a month about how to start this blog....i finally got an answer in the most unfortunate way. My dear friends are moving to NYC in about 14 hours. We had a lovely bbq yesterday and today we had lunch. When saying our goodbyes it hit me that we are all growing up. We have had our fun times, and our fare share of dubachery and crazy times, and this is just another chapter to add to the big book of life. I know it is not goodbye forever....but who will appreciate the amazingness of  Daikokuya, or Japanese bbq? This really just drives me to achieve my own goals of moving....and being successful....so till next time Emi and Steve...L.A. will miss you